The Seven Dogs of Content

A learned exposition as demonstrated by dogs

In these troubled times, you may have heard talk of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Forget them. These are The Seven Dogs of Content.

1. Dachshund

Short, snappy and to the point, bite-sized – the listicle of canines

Apt to become a little flabby if not attended to assiduously, the dachshund is the true short-form breed. What it lacks in stature, it more than makes up for in class – the canine embodiment of quality over quantity. Great personality and one for all audiences. Editors sometimes say: “This treatment has legs.” This one hasn’t.

2. Scottish terrier

Yappy, then yappy again – rather like bad thought leadership

The canine equivalent of a preachy, repetitive whitepaper. The Scottie makes the same obvious point again and again – all in a shrill, annoying little bark. Worse, it may lick you into submission if yapping does not have the required effect. Endearing in a pet but not in content.

3. Husky

Hard-working, keeps on delivering – evergreen content

Leader of the pack and near relation of the wolf, the Siberian husky has pace, longevity and a coat warm enough to endure the harshest conditions. This is the evergreen performer of pooches. A howling certainty every time, even if the writing is sometimes doggerel.

4. Golden retriever

Faithful and honest with an intelligent calm – trustworthy and warm writing

Who wouldn’t trust that look of devotion and loyal wag? A firm family favourite, the lab approaches any scenario with dependable friendliness, helping to resolve many tricky situations. Not the most exciting breed out for walkies in the content park, but everyone wants their copy to be cuddly and clever.

5. Poodle

Distinctive and head-turning – the viral campaign

A fast mover in the pooch cosmos. After a recent rebrand from high-maintenance, over-coiffed showdog to all-round hound-about-town, poodle genes have canoodled their way into oodles of breeds from labradoodles to cockapoos. This content is potentially award-winning. It's nobody’s poodle, but it will sometimes need a trim.

6. Doberman

Fast-paced and powerful, takes charge of business – hero content

The Doberman Pinscher is noted for intelligence and strength. A staunch defender of its patch, it needs a tough handler but will repay commitment with loyalty. A sleek, short-tail specialist with an excellent bounce rate, this is the Rover of hero content and will give you paws for thought.

7. Shih Tzu

High maintenance but always gets attention – the social influencer

Standing out in a crowd of forgettable Rovers, this high-maintenance, social media-ready hound is an unerring self-promoter, attracting the attention of the puparazzi. Don't let it tweet and buzz-phrase itself into becoming a nuisance, prompting marketing directors to exclaim: “Who posted this Shih Tzu?”

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